House of Wax

House of Wax

House of Wad

Copulate. Videotape. Dissemenate. Or, How to Interpret a Film By Only Seeing the Poster.

.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

This film, as evidenced by the movie poster alone, concerns itself exclusively with the current method of career advancement for young beautiful women with no other talents than looking good and inhabiting a completely amoral universe.

Paris Hilton is to Pamela Anderson as Britney is to Madonna, a career perfectionist imitating her predecessor’s rise to stardom through sheer sexual persona of the “Oops, I did it again!” variety.

Hilton’s latest film sports a movie poster showing the G-rated version of the X-rated money shot from her famous “One Night In Paris,” the accidentally-released-porno-videotape-as-career-rocket-launcher that you can’t see in theaters.

The message is clear. While the film is allegedly about a killer who displays his victims in wax, the “Prey. Slay. Display” tagline is a clear indicator of the actual method and sole possible explanation for Paris Hilton’s rise to fame: Copulate. Videotape. Dissemenate.

Paris Hilton on the film’s hardest scene: “The scene where I was impaled was really hard.” No really: she said that.

Many filmgoers are reporting an eagerness to attend the film simply to see this scene—the symbolic death, hopefully a harbinger of her career’s actual death. Like Icarus, flying too close to the sun of media stardom, perhaps she’ll melt? We can only pray that this wax-like display will indeed slay her artificially inseminated, sustained, and delivered career.

But it’s one of several recent films you don’t have to see in order to understand. Just looking at the poster is scary enough. :::

posted by editor ::: May 08, 2005 ::: philms :::