- If I'm not my fucking khakis, am I my fucking leather pants?

After watching Fight Club, I resolved to change, to be different, to rebel. I would no longer frequent Starbucks, no longer wear Old Navy, no longer listen to N'Sync. I was determined to resist consumer culture with a vengeance.

So I went shopping.

If you're going to be Tyler Durden, you have to have the right look, the right style, the right kick-ass vibe. At Urban Outfitters, you can buy a wardrobe of dissent for less than $600. All the products there have that fuck you attitude, which is to say they all appear to be worn-out and retro-fied. Shopping at Urban Outfitters gives you instant "rebel" credibility. Tyler may mock Gap, but he's not going to mock a store that's sells Atari T-shirts for $28. Hell, just visit the nearest Urban Outfitters, and you'll see Tyler Durdens and Marla Singers everywhere.

I ended up spending $565 for a jacket, a pair of leather pants, and three Ben Sherman buttondown shirts. Afterwards, I got myself a tattoo that said "fuck consumerism." I felt so liberated, so free from the mass conformity of our commercialized culture. I felt like one of those rebels in the "defy convention" Reebok advertisements, transgressing the "norms" of our civilized society. Inspired, I got online and immediately ordered a pair of The Pump Fury Reeboks for $109.99 and downloaded the "defy convention" screensaver for inspiration. Before I disconnected, I went on eBay and made a bid for a bar of pink Fight Club soap. I couldn't think of a better way to remind myself of the mindless consumerism of our age than to buy some pink Fight Club soap.

I thank Tyler, and Fight Club, that I'm no longer a slave to commercial products.



Top 5 Rebel Commercials

1. Fight Club (see above)



2. Disturbing Behavior - There are two types of people: programmed teens who dress like J. Crew dweebs and free-spirited rebels who sport leather jackets and barbed-wire tattoos. If you want to be a cool individual, shop where Katie Holmes shops.



3. Grease - In the end, leather wins! And it has never looked so delicious!



4. Rebel Without a Cause - What is a rebellious, restless, misunderstood, middle-class youth to do in the monotone world of suburbia? Wear leather, of course!



5. The Matrix - It is our mission to free human civilization from its comatose state. What should we wear? Leather, leather, and more leather (oh, and sunglasses).





If you are really serious about rebelling against consumerism, shop at the following stores: